[ [ * . vanity princess . * ] ]

Thursday, December 11, 2008

[[* She wished... *]]

** She would always lie to bed with a dying heart. Until her very last breath, she loved him. She never regret loving him even if it was the one thing that killed her.

How she wished he knew what she really felt. She was not able to see him nor talk to him. It was very hard for her. She was left hanging. She remembered how he changed her point of views in life. How he showed real love by just looking into her eyes. She thought their relationship was ideal - close to perfect. But one day came, BOOM! it was like a nuclear bomb that hit her. Everything changed just one blink of an eye. Or maybe she became to insensitive, she barely seeing it coming. She kept on asking herself what went wrong. He was so cold all of sudden. She would cry every night just to get her eyes tired so she could sleep. So that on the next day she would have the energy to pretend again. She would laugh a million times during the day and cry as much during her lonely times at night. It became her new routine.

She thought just by loving him unconditionally everything will be fine. It turned out what she gave was not enough to keep them working. The thing about her was, she loved too much and she understood him too little. She blamed herself for losing one of the most important persons in her life. Yes, until her very last breath, she blamed herself.

She remembered how she was two years ago. She almost had the same situation. She gave her all but her ex left her. She was then afraid falling in love again. But when he came and saved her, he also proved that he was different from all the others. The sad part was he helped her getting off from her misery and then, after awhile, he started another sad ending.

How she wished he knew how she felt. Each fight they had, there was something in her heart that was continuously pricking. He did not know that with just one kiss, that pain would fade away. Then she wished she was able to kiss him more so that she would never have to feel the pain. She was devastated when he left her. That she wished she could turn back time and skip all the sad moments they had.

She missed him so much. She missed how they were before. She missed everything about him. She missed him because he was so far away. She was sorry for not being the perfect girl for him. For not being able to give what he needed. For not being the girl of his dreams. But believe, she tried to be that girl who would stick with him until the very end. How she wished he was able to hear what her broken heart is trying to say. How much she wanted for him to come back. She was waiting for him to come back.

He used to enumerate all the reasons why he loved the girl. She did have a lot of reasons too. The thing was she never had a chance to tell him.

* He was the only person that could handle her mood swings.
* He could make her heart beat faster and slower at the same time.
* With him, she found contentment.
* With him, she was able to be herself.
* She loved his kindness.
* She loved his generosity to the needy.
* She loved him for being God-fearing.
* For taking care of her so much.
* For understanding her always. And more.

It was too late for her. She never had the chance because she never had the right words to tell him. Expressing herself was her problem actually. In some cases, instead of thinking the brighter side, she would hold her negative emotions about it. She was unaware of the wrong things she did in the past.

Everything were so different now. The weather was cold. Her heart was cold and empty. How could she be happy if half of her life was lost? And she ever wondered, was there a chance he might be missing her? Was he like her that could no longer sleep at night? Would he cry knowing he could lose her? She was clueless. She had no idea at all. And his answers were unknown. But there was one thing she was sure about him. She loved him the best way she knows. She wouldn't deny that she was truly and madly inlove with him. That fact still stood strong.

She wished she was able to see him. If that would happen, first thing she would do was to hug him tight so that he would feel how much she missed him. She wished that up to the very last corner of his mind, he would realize that they were destined to be. That God made him for her. She wished he was able to gather all his thoughts and say that he still loved her beyond imperfections.

She wished and waited. She wished. Endlessly.

[[*. YoUr dReAm GurL .*]] @ 9:20 AM